


Sassy Cat Diaries

by dracoxlovesxharry



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Crack Fic, Gen, Hockey Sticks, Laser pointers, Unreliable Narrator, automatic litter boxes, cat trees, exerpts from the diary of kit purrson, idek where this came from, in the style of sad cat diaries, the stanley cup - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-05 15:04:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5379644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dracoxlovesxharry/pseuds/dracoxlovesxharry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An intimate look at the life and times of Kit Purrson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sassy Cat Diaries

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fulldaysdrive](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fulldaysdrive/gifts).



> Inspired by Sad Cat Diary https://youtu.be/PKffm2uI4dk
> 
> [OMG! Check Please](http://omgcheckplease.tumblr.com/) belongs to [Ngozi](http://ngoziu.tumblr.com/)

_**Day 1**_

Dear Diary,

I have been moved from my previous home with my mother and litter mates to live with a male human. My new living space is adequate; however, I still have doubts as to whether or not the human and I will get along. So far he has been very clingy, but the food that I have been given is far superior to that of my previous residence. Evidence has proven that scratching his face and arms works well to keep him at a distance. I have also sharpened my claws on the sofa in an act of protest.

 

_**Day 47**_

Dear Diary,

Today the man I share my home with replaced my litter box with what I can only describe as an evil poop robot from hell. I have attempted to reason with him but my pleas have gone unheard. I have urinated on his pillow three times and pooped in his gym bag twice in an act of protest. I’m uncertain how much longer this standoff will last, but I will not surrender. My next plan of action will be attempting to dismantle the robot. Wish me luck.

 

_**Day 50**_

Dear Diary,

There is cause for celebration today as I have won the stand off against the evil poop robot. In addition to this victory, the human I live with has added a home gym to the living room, complete with napping areas and scratching posts. I have decided to allow him to rub my belly in thanks. 

 

_**Day 94**_

Dear Diary,

I have not seen the human I live with in three days. It is clear he has abandoned me here. I was concerned as to who would feed me at first, but a female human showed up and refilled my food dish and cleaned my litter box. She left shortly after these duties were performed. I have yet to decide whether or not I prefer living alone to having a roommate.

 

_**Day 102**_

Dear Diary,

The human I live with returned today. It seems he did not abandon me here after all. Upon his return he left two scratching sticks in the door way. I tested both immediately to show my thanks for the gift. I would prefer if they did not move around so much when in use, and could do with out the plastic attachment but I will not turn my nose up at his attempt to apologize for leaving without notice. I have decided that I prefer having this human around. Perhaps I will allow him to pet me this evening.

 

_**Day 216**_

Dear Diary,

There is a new menace terrorizing my residence. I have spent days trying to exterminate this new threat but all attempts have failed. Just when I think I have caught and destroyed it, I lift my paws and it has escaped. Biting does not seem to work either. The human does not seem concerned. He actually laughed at my failed attempts to corner it this afternoon. I have shredded his favorite hat in protest.

 

_**Day 349**_

Dear Diary,

A tree appeared in the living room while I took my mid-afternoon nap. There are strings of blinking lights and hundreds of shiny objects hidden in the branches. It is obvious my human feels guilty about his recent absence and has given me this as a sign of apology. So far I have managed to remove twelve of the hidden objects and scatter them throughout the house. 

 

_**Day 493**_

Dear Diary,

The human I live with has shown several signs of high stress in the last couple of weeks. He will disappear for days at a time only to return tired and listless. I have decided to allow him to pet me periodically as it seems to calm him. My efforts seem to be working, but I am afraid he has returned to being as clingy as he was when we first met. My only hope is that this does not last.

 

_**Day 525**_

Dear Diary,

It seems that whatever was causing the human I live with stress is no longer an issue. Today he brought home a brand new food dish. It is extremely tall and very shiny. I will need to get on the counter to reach the bowl. He has yet to put food in the dish, so I don’t know if I prefer it to my current dish. I will report back after it’s first use.

 

_**Day 526**_

Dear Diary,

The human did not put food in the new dish. I had wondered if he forgot what it was for. In an effort to remind him, I placed a dead bird in the bowl. Upon seeing the bird he became visually upset. He cleaned out the bowl and when I woke up from my post mid-afternoon nap the dish was gone. I assume he has returned it. It’s just as well. I wasn’t fond of the idea of eating at the counter anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> To clear up anything I think might be vague: 
> 
> Day 47: Kent buys one of those self cleaning litter boxes. Kit is not amused. I tried to introduce my cat to one of these and she HATED it... so that inspired the evil poop robot.
> 
> Day 102: The "scratching sticks" are Kent's hockey sticks. Normally he keeps them in a coat closet with his other hockey gear, but he was tired and forgot to put them away. He was NOT amused when he found them shredded.
> 
> Day 216: Kent bought a laser pointer. He is highly amused by Kit's antics, but Kit is distressed by this seemingly indestructible foe.
> 
> Day 349: This is probably obvious... but Kent put up a Christmas tree in his apartment. Kit has a field day, and in all likelihood knocks the tree over at least twice by Christmas day.
> 
> Day 493: The Aces are in the playoffs. Kent has been training non-stop and is very stressed with the pressure of his captaincy and trying to win the cup.
> 
> Day 525: The Aces win the Stanley Cup. This is a brief look at Kent's day with the cup.
> 
> Day 526: Yes, I **_am_** implying that Kit Purrson put a dead bird in the Stanley Cup.
> 
> Lastly... my greatest joy in all of this was having Kit shred Kent's stupid hat.


End file.
